Letting Go of Fear

Erika PictureMy 2 year old son, and my 11 month old daughter started school in September 2017. I got interested in taking my children to head start when someone told me about it during Steps. I decided to put my children at a head start close to where we live. I had to go through a process, and get them on a long wait list. I signed them up in July 2017. In that same month I got a phone call saying my son got into school, and was going to start school in September. I asked about my daughter, and they said there was no space for her, but a couple minutes later I got called back, and the same lady told me that my daughter was also accepted. That made my day. Although I was not working and my kids got into school, I was happy because I had goals for my children. Some that I could accomplish, some that I could not. My son needed other children his age to be with, and learn from, and they both needed a routine. I was so happy that I had no negative thoughts, and was ready for them to start school.

When September came along, we were ready for the first day of school. For first timers, parents had to attend two days of transition. The first day I went to the school two different times one for my son and one for my daughter; 2 hours each. It was hard because I had to do both while being pregnant, but I managed. I got to meet the teachers, and teacher assistants. There’s two teachers for every class. The next day which was a Thursday, it was also transition time but parents dropped off the kids stayed an hour then, went upstairs with the rest of the parents (to socialize, eat, and wait two hours until it was time to get the kids). On Friday was a full day and parents could not stay. From then on it got real.

My kids were not adjusting too well. I would drop them off, and they would both cry really bad. I learned the first day that I had to say bye, see you later, and that I was coming back to my children; I could not sneak away like I thought so they would not cry. The teacher let me know I had to let them know I was leaving, but that I would be back. My daughter’s teacher also advised me until they got use to school I should go pick them up early and that I did. Weeks went by and they still were not adjusting. They cried, no nap time, and no eating. I was really worried especially when my son told me he did not want to go to school over and over. Scary thoughts started coming to my head. I did not know what to do, and my mom’s opinions were not helping.

I was not trying to get them to attend school so that I can have the day to myself, but for a couple of reasons. I wanted them to grow, and be better. Get use to school, be able to go through a routine, socialize with kids their age, and learn different things I was not teaching them (because education does start at home but sometimes you as a parent do not know everything). As time went on my children were adjusting. My daughter adjusted faster than my son in less than a month. My son was still getting use to school, and having a routine. He was worrying me the most because during nap time he would cry really loud for hours. While crying he would yell my first name, so every adult that came around knew my name just didn’t know who I was. I was told by a couple of people “You’re the famous Erika”. That’s when I knew that the crying was bad.

So I took what I’ve been learning at a parenting class I go to called Raising with Love, and used it on my son. I decided to sit my 2 year old down, and have a conversation with him about school (my concerns and his teacher’s concerns). I took about 10 minutes to explain to him in a way he could understand. I told him that he should sleep in school, and behave because that was going to be beneficial for him. I told him he had to be a good boy because he was one. I told him that he had to sleep in school so that when I went to go pick him up he would be able to come home eat and play. I also told him that he had to behave with the other children at school, and he had to be gentle with the other kids and his little sister. I guess my little talk with him worked because he changed. Now he naps sometimes, and sometimes he does not but lays in the bed (without crying). He’s eating some things, and is being more gentle. His teacher has been telling me that the talk worked, and that he has been having excellent days. I feel so much better now, and am very happy with my children. I love that they are doing good in school, and are behaving because that was driving me crazy, and all I want is for them to do good (that is also why I’m taking parenting classes so it can help me too). Now I will be getting more involved in my children’s school because I know they can handle me being there because they are doing good in school. I do anything for them.

The Love That I Needed

My name is Lauren. I am 26 years old. I am a mother of two beautiful children; a student and I have 2 part-time jobs. I was adopted when I was 3 years old from Guatemala. I never realized the ups and downs of emotions I would have nor do I think my parents really knew the ups and downs we would have.

My parents loved and love me unconditionally. They never kept it a secret that I was adopted. My mom often asked me if I would like to find my birth parents and when I was younger I often thought it could potentially be nice to find them one day.  My immediate family or my friends never treated me differently. My parents loved me as if I was their flesh and blood and I loved them the same way too. But, a part of me always felt like something was missing and I sometimes felt guilty for feeling that way. I had unconditional love, clothes on my back, food in my belly, a roof over my head- what else could I want?

When I was a senior in high school, for our yearbook, the yearbook committee had asked that all senior students submit a baby photo of themselves. They were going to put the baby pictures on a page and people would have to guess which student it was. Sounds fun, right? It would be if you actually had a baby picture- I did not. I submitted a picture of myself when I was 2 and in the orphanage. This may sound like it is no big deal, but to someone who does not even know why she was put up for adoption, it was huge a deal. I had nobody who was a blood relative or even looked like me. I would go to my friend’s homes and I would see their parents and siblings and see how they all looked liked each other and thought that was what I wanted. I wanted to have people in my life that looked like me.

I found out I was pregnant when I was 19 years old and had my son when I was 20. My whole life had changed. He was everything that I needed. My blood relative and a somewhat mirror image of myself. I am 26 and just had my daughter who is a spitting image of me. I told my mom that when I look at her, I get a chance to see what I probably looked like as a baby. I am complete. That void that I had in my life has been filled. These little angels are my life-line.          lauren picture

How can I be a Leader when I’m not Even Ready to Parent?

Cam PhotoLeadership

Leadership is kind of a funny word.  Oxford describes it as “The action of leading a group of people or an organization.”  Well, that doesn’t sound so hard right?

Except for the bit about leading (what is leading anyway?)…oh and finding a group of people that believes in you…oh and the bit about actually being able to lead them, having the time to do it, being able to speak so that those people will listen to you, and even getting people to realize that you could be a leader.

So, other than all that, I could be a leader, or you could be, right?

Exactly!  From the moment your child is born, you’re a leader.  Parents are leaders.  Think about it, this is probably one of the only times in most of our lives that someone depends almost entirely on us…for everything.  Our kids literally couldn’t survive without us (No pressure, right??).  So if we’re leaders for our kiddos, why does it stop there?

Being a Young Parent Leader

Being a young parent provides an amazing opportunity to become a leader.  Parenthood teaches people a lot about themselves and about others.  Even though ‘leading’ a 3 year old kid in his day-to-day life might be a bit different from coaching a team or managing a department, I bet there’s more similarities than you think.  I mean, those little eyes look up to you whenever they need guidance, and they probably will for most of your life.  People always need guidance, but with kids, it’s especially important to provide guidance.  Sometimes people think parenthood defines a parent, without realizing that every parent defines their own path of parenthood.

Especially when you’re a ‘young’ parent, people seem to think the doors to your future start closing.  Some people think “young parent” and “successful” are totally incompatible things.  Personally I look for every single opportunity to prove those people wrong.  Hey, I may not be perfect, but I can sure be a decent dad and a successful guy.  I refuse to let someone else label my parenthood is a limiting factor in my life.  All other parts being equal, for some reason, when you’re a “young” parent, some people tend to forget about the good things parenthood does.  Why is it when we see young parents, the “Congratulations!” go out the window, and in comes the questions:

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Will you be able to finish school?”

“Do you have enough money for to raise a child?”

I’m not even sure if people expect answers, they just love to point out that parenthood is going to be difficult.  Thanks for the heads up random stranger on the street, I had no idea I looked “too young” to have a kid.  Is it hard?  Sure it is, but parenthood isn’t exactly easy, whether you’ve got a fresh high school diploma or you have a social security check in your hand.  But, if everything in life was easy, how would we grow?  How would we ever rise to the occasion?  Being a young parent sure is hard, but it can also be an amazing step toward a life that we, as individuals and parents, can be proud of.

So really, being a young parent is an amazing way to become a leader.  There is no single force in my life as strong as my son.  Through him, I have grown stronger, learned and accomplished more, and reached new highs in my life.  Stop worrying about all the doors people say get shut, and start looking for the open window.  Think outside the box.  I’ve had more opportunities to help people since becoming a father than I can count, and I’m very proud of what fatherhood has done for me.  Looking into my son’s eyes, I have found motivation, responsibility, determination, confidence, inspiration, and so much more.

I dare you to ask someone about some traits leaders have.

And I bet you $5 they’ll say one of those traits.

-Cam